“I See You” — Candiace
This placement may seem harsh because Candiace Dillard’s debut single is a “real song” — it’s not about drama from the show, and it’s not a novelty. In 2011, Whitfield brought the quote back in this diss track about her onscreen nemesis, NeNe Leakes. Related
Every First Real Housewives Episode, Ranked
The 100 Most Unhinged, Unexplainable, Unforgettable Real Housewives Moments
Tags: “Dreamcatcher” — LOCK
This song may not technically be available to stream or download anywhere — except in my mind, free of charge. “I Just Wanna” — Melissa Gorga
This club banger sees Gorga do her very best J.Lo cosplay. It’s a song that feels made for circuit parties and muscle gays sniffing poppers in harnesses. Despite its iconic premise and single art, it’s average at best. “Unbreakable” — Gretchen Rossi
In season six of The Real Housewives of Orange County, Rossi brought her diary into the recording studio to help make her third single. It would make the ideal first-dance song for Bennifer, everyone’s favorite chaotic on-and-off couple. But don’t worry, there are still a lot of other songs left. Roughly two hours in a recording studio, an out-of-work songwriter, and maybe a producer to churn out a medium-to-low-tier song. “Drive Back” is the perfect aughts-inspired bop for the nostalgic moment we’re living through right now. Otherwise, it’s easily skipped. It was written and produced by Burruss and debuted on the second season of RHOA, eventually becoming a story line over several seasons (lawsuits were served). “No Drama” — Real Housewives of New Jersey cast
TONIGHT on an ALL NEW #RHONJ 🍷 the gals record a country song..and @JenniferAydin continues to be the funniest of the group 🎶 pic.twitter.com/jqku7L5EA4— TheBravoThem🌈 (@BravoThem) April 19, 2022
On the latest season of RHONJ, the ’wives (minus Teresa, who was on time-out after throwing drinks at Margaret) headed to the recording studio on a cast trip to Nashville. “Dreamcatcher” is unlike most Housewives songs because it’s a full-on rock track. But thanks to its viral moment on TikTok last year, it’s probably one of the most listened-to songs on this list. “Gone With the Wind Fabulous” — Kenya Moore
RHOA’s Kenya Moore follows in the footsteps of her co-star Whitfield by turning an iconic season-five clapback into a bop. “Coffee & Love” is also about her scandal-embroiled ex, Michael Darby, whom she is finally divorcing this year. “Flatline” — Porsha Williams
This song, by one of RHOA’s most controversial stars, is definitely a grower. Amid their ongoing conflict, Gia gave a tearful performance of her own made-up song, as she put it, “for my mom and Zio Joe.” After going unexpectedly viral ten years later, it was remixed by a pre-Slap Will Smith, referenced by Cardi B, and became an internet sensation. It was a hilariously shady story line in which Burruss — annoyed at Zolciak for apparently not being grateful enough for Burruss penning her prior hit, “Tardy for the Party” — set her up by making the next song incredibly difficult to sing. 25. This placement may seem harsh because Burruss’s voice is clearly superior to the other Housewives on this list and “Haven’t Loved Right” is about the death of Burruss’s former fiancé, A.J. (In fact, the video looks so “expensive” that she has barely released any music since.) This song is where Jayne’s signature nasal vocals are at their best. Absolutely. “XXPEN$IVE” — Erika Jayne
Okay, I’ll say it: The subject matter of this song hasn’t aged well. So if you’re a fan of pre-Bravo Erika Jayne or Simon van Kempen’s “I Am Real,” sorry, they don’t qualify. “Fly Above” — Kandi
The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Kandi Burruss begins “Fly Above” by telling us she’s secure in herself and has a shell that is “hard as armor.” Which is just as well because this song kind of sucks. 5. “Never Let Me Go” — Melissa Gorga
This is a club banger straight out of that era when Rihanna and Kelly Rowland were belting over dance beats. The lyrics don’t make a whole lot of sense, including a weirdly placed rap verse that ends with “If my heart was a computer, baby, you’d be the password.” But here it is in the top ten. 27. And it’s good to see these girls inherited their mother’s passion for rock and roll. Honestly, I’m not quite sure whether this song qualifies for this list because it’s not available to download or stream anywhere. 30. It’s all about drinking Champagne, eating caviar, limousines, diamonds, and living a fantasy “chic” lifestyle. The star of this track is, without a doubt, former Broadway star and “hexagonal ice” enthusiast Heather Dubrow, who is by far the best singer of the group. Watch out, Beyoncé! The making of “Money Can’t Buy You Class” was rather excruciatingly documented on season three of RHONY. Worldwide!”) but ends up sounding more like that weird “rapper” guy who featured on Rebecca Black’s “Friday” and all those other viral tween YouTube songs back in the day. Particularly when we know Burruss — a former member of ’90s girl group Xscape — is responsible for some iconic hits in her previous era. Countess Luann
“Viva La Diva” marks a departure for everyone’s favorite ex-countess: It’s her first collaboration with another artist, Desmond Child, and it marks the end of a long run of singles that reference drama from RHONY (more on that later). 13. 11. Sorry, Candiace! It’s a “real” song, too, that takes itself seriously. This song is very much part of the Housewives musical subgenre of tracks based on drama from the show. And while it may not be the best song ever, even in the Housewives musical universe, Williams deserves credit for doing something different. But let’s just say that probably wasn’t necessary because, just like RHONY’s 13th season, this song is not something fans will be holding on to any time soon. But Burruss still managed to craft a bop that is disturbingly catchy, and Zolciak is nothing short of a pop-culture pioneer. Here, Santino Noir fills the role of discount-store Pitbull (minus “Mr. She recorded the song in a music studio her husband, Joe, built in their basement, and her first live performance (in the club, of course) was shown on RHONJ. Due to Zolciak’s, shall we say “limited,” vocal range, the song veers much closer to speaking than singing. While the latest season might not have had a reunion, the cast did unite for a charity Christmas song — led by Countess Luann at her sultry best. Stick to the drama, Jersey Girls! 35. 7. Fans will remember an argument over who would really profit from this song’s royalties; lawyers were even consulted. The thing is, “I See You” doesn’t really go anywhere. We got to watch Zolciak struggling to hit the high notes (and the other ones, too) in the studio. You know, that bit when the relationship falls apart because of a big secret or misunderstanding and there’s a montage of the protagonist feeling very sad before it all works out at the end. De Lesseps has experienced her fair share of ups and downs since it was recorded, so one of its lyrics has now become her mantra: “The little things can take you down, so it’s best to brush them off.”
3. It displays Candiace’s clear intention to be a “real” artist: She was involved in the entire creative process, unlike, er, some people on this list. It’s a shame we never got to hear the final version, which is meant to be a diss track for Zolciak’s former sugar-daddy fiancé (known only on the show as Big Poppa) because this song was truly coming to save pop music. “On Display” — Melissa Gorga
By now, we know Gorga loves very few things more than a song about going to the club and dancing. Here, Gorga delivers a dance song that makes me want to get on the next flight to Mykonos with a gaggle of gays and a suitcase full of jockstraps and start doing shots. 34. (Staged being the operative word here because they still aren’t married and her co-stars seemed pretty convinced it was all for the cameras). (At one point, the Countess even pokes fun at Bensimon’s infamous “Scary Island” breakdown while clutching a bag of jelly beans.) Basically, the whole thing is a mess, which somehow works? The scene of their writing and recording the song — complete with auto-tune-free singing and an overenthusiastic himbo co-writer with a guitar — made for viscerally uncomfortable viewing. “You wanna act like you don’t know me when we’re out in public,” he sings. From wannabe actresses and singers, to socialites and even dancers — like the legendary Camille Donatacci — we’ve seen it all. The narrative of the song is Miss Lawrence calling out a closeted lover. “You better watch yourself before you get checked,” he warned her during the argument. Sorry, Countess, “Viva La Diva” is getting skipped! The song is so catchy it distracted Andy Cohen himself from a performance of Hamilton. It’s the Countess’s sassy clapback to Heather Thomson and Carole Radziwill, who, on the RHONY season-seven cast trip to Turks and Caicos, almost burst in on de Lesseps while she was, ahem, otherwise engaged with a male companion. “Girl Code” — Countess Luann
No actual saxophones were harmed in the making of “Girl Code” — I promise! It wouldn’t seem out of place in Gwen Stefani’s L.A.M.B. “I’m not your closet freak.” The song’s lyrics haven’t aged amazingly, but the actor and singer did go on to find success, appearing on Fox’s musical drama Star. Dare I say it, there are hints of OneRepublic’s “Apologize” and Jordin Sparks’s “No Air” going on here. (It’s just too bad Bethenny Frankel wasn’t a fan.)
6. In season eight of RHOC, Rossi staged a romantic proposal. (By now, we all know about Jayne’s legal and financial issues and the orphans and widows who were owed money while she was singing about her flashy lifestyle on RHOBH.) All that aside, “XXPEN$IVE” is an undeniably great song. Just like the Housewives themselves, these bops are iconic for being simultaneously good and bad, for bringing chaos and cringe, and for somehow giving the fans nothing and everything they want. Yup, I’m talking about the many, many songs made by the stars of Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise. “The Ring Didn’t Mean a Thing” — Kim Zolciak-Biermann
Okay, so we heard this song only as a demo version on the third season of RHOA. Jewell. “Haven’t Loved Right” — Kandi
This song is straight out of a ’90s rom-com. (Even if that probably makes it a tough listen for the plane-crash victims her husband allegedly defrauded.) But regardless of all that, it’s still a good song — not Jayne’s best, but the hip-hop-inspired track is still catchy enough to deserve its spot in the top ten. It’s an upbeat bop with some sassy, inspiring lyrics, which turned out to be a tribute to Slade Smiley’s son, Gavin, who was going through cancer treatments at the time. “Painkillr” — Erika Jayne
Even though club banger “Pankillr” wasn’t technically released while Jayne was on RHOBH, it did become a plot point when she joined in season six. 20. Some have become memes or gone viral years later on TikTok. “Chic C’est La Vie” — Countess Luann
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Countess speaking. “Coffee & Love” — Ashley Darby
This song shouldn’t work. “Love Comes Through” — Me and Mari
In her first season as a RHOA Housewife, Blaque singer Shamari DeVoe and her husband, Ronnie DeVoe (of Bell Biv DeVoe), dropped the first single by their new supergroup, Me & Mari. Now that’s talent! 17. Whitfield clapped back, “Who gon’ check me, boo?” like a badass. And surprisingly, it works! And, well, the results aren’t half bad! The song works because its lyrics are, frankly, completely ridiculous. 29. A 13-year-old Melania Giudice, whom we’ve watched grow up on our screens, struts around the mall and raps about “chasing checks” and not boys. In fact, they were probably listening to it on that Puerto Vallarta gay cruise that sank in the middle of the COVID pandemic. It’s a serious, cool, R&B love song dedicated to her husband turned “husbanger,” Chris Bassett, whom she wed in season four of The Real Housewives of Potomac. The song tells the story of her spiral into partying and has a catchy, trumpetlike hook. 18. But after appearing in season 11 of RHOC, it qualifies. By this point, de Lesseps’s “Countess and Friends” live cabaret show was already a huge hit, selling out theaters across the country, and this is her most cabaret-inspired single yet. “Feelin’ Jovani” — Countess Luann
“Feelin’ Jovani” was born from one of the most iconic moments in Housewives history. 14. era. Snark aside, this song is about nothing, and its lyrics are pretty toe curling (okay, still a little snark), but it’s catchy. “Whatever I Want” — OC Realz
“Whatever I Want” byThe OC Realz #RHOC 🍊🎶 pic.twitter.com/AzcgE0gJJI— TheBravoThem🌈 (@BravoThem) April 15, 2022
This was one of the most bizarre moments in RHOC history — and that’s saying something. What a catch! 23. Ouch. We watched a pre-auto-tune de Lesseps hitting (and missing) the high notes — which truly walked so Gaga’s “Shallow” could run — and living out her childhood fantasy of being a pop diva. But is it a bop? This certified bop by RHOM alum Adriana de Moura has a special place in the Housewives universe because, after its release, it was used as the show’s title intro music — now that’s quite an accolade. 33. We’ve heard club bangers, tracks with sassy clapbacks to co-stars, and no shortage of love songs about men with, shall we say, checkered pasts. “Can’t Wait to Grow Up” — Melania
This chilled, mellow song is bound to make longtime Housewives fans feel about 1,000 years old. We have arrived,” proclaims a heavily auto-tuned de Lesseps, in the style of Madonna, at the opening of “Chic C’est La Vie.” In RHONY season four, Bravo’s cameras took us behind the scenes on the video shoot for the song, when all the ’wives except Jill Zarin and Kelly Bensimon turned down an invitation to star in it. All-Star Housewives Lisa Rinna and Cynthia Bailey guest star in the video alongside Andy Cohen — it’s full-on Charlie’s Angels cosplay. This underwhelming song was played to Smiley to kick off Rossi’s extravagant engagement stunt — and it is so heavily auto-tuned he had to ask whether he was listening to his beloved’s voice. Photo: Countess Luann/YouTube
Money can’t buy you class — at least according to (former) Countess Luann de Lesseps. “Rockstar” — Melissa Gorga
There are forgettable songs and then there is “Rockstar,” by Melissa Gorga. 16. The song is essentially an ode to girl power: The women sing about letting their hair down and doing “whatever they want,” baby! 26. “What Do I Want for Christmas?” — Real Housewives of New York cast
Season 13 of RHONY was, by all estimates, a total disaster. “Drive Back” — Candiace
A lot of Housewives songs position themselves as novelties or jokes, but “Drive Back” takes itself seriously — deservedly so. 15. True love! A little. 32. Still, “Tardy for the Party” this song ain’t. The current cast of Real Housewives of Miami was recently spotted filming its own group song together, so Housewives girl bands feel like a trend. Real instruments and vocal talent may be in short supply, but that hasn’t stopped our girls. “Coffee & Love” has this infectious happiness, a thumping bass, and (dare I say it?) a slightly reggae dance vibe, which, against all odds, works. The Countess debuted “Girl Code” on Watch What Happens Live!, accompanied by her daughter, Victoria, who features on the track. It’s a very mixed bag that shares crimes against graphic design in its singles’ cover art. The title may seem elitist, but the joke is that releasing such a gauche song about money and class (and performing it at Macy’s) doesn’t exactly scream “classy.” And really, its core message is that, for everyone, elegance is learned, my friends. But you know what it can buy you? “Viva La Diva” — Desmond Child ft. Delusional? Meredith Grey is delivering her opening monologue — and I mean that as a compliment! 21. It’s inoffensive, but unlike Butter Knife–gate, or Salad Toss–gate, it’s pretty easy to forget. “Who Gon’ Check Me, Boo” — Shereé Whitfield
Fans were blessed with one of the most iconic Housewives quotes ever in season two of RHOA, when Shereé Whitfield got into a fight with party planner Anthony Shorter. In the latest season finale, certified rock goddess Storms-Beador brought the OC Housewives together for a one-off group performance of an original song. Since 2006, these shows have been a tractor beam for anyone who has tried (and, in most cases, failed) to be famous in every other way. Whereas most Housewives songs are about being fabulous, beef from the show, dancing in the club, or love, this is a cathartic breakup song through and through. “On Display” was her first contribution to this subgenre, and it’s still her best. In the video, Moore mocks her onscreen rivals and even gives us a “Single Ladies” parody. This song sounds like Miami (or, more precisely, what people who’ve never been to Miami think the city sounds like). The lyrics of “Gone With the Wind Fabulous” aren’t exactly giving Taylor Swift or Shakespeare a run for their money, but it’s a defiant and catchy song. Unfortunately for our eardrums, however, Rossi’s determination to make music seems to be “unbreakable” too. 10. Perhaps I’m too old to really get this song, but the best thing about it is a cameo from Teresa Giudice, the table flipper herself, in the video. Despite being promoted on season six of RHOP, with the cast (and Candiace’s therapist turned villain mom, Dorothy) making cameo appearances in the video, the quality of the song shines through. But as with her previous effort, this track feels easily forgettable. 9. The RHONJ star pips her niece to the post with one of her many tracks about dancing in the club and living life to the fullest. “Waking Up in the Morning” — Gia Giudice
Okay, so this may not technically be a real song you can stream on Spotify. It’s not breaking musical boundaries, but it’s a solid track. In Vulture’s official ranking, we have considered only Housewives songs that appeared on the show. The only thing is, aside from how good her voice sounds (without the robotic auto-tune we’ve been accustomed to hearing on her other songs), this one is pretty underwhelming. 4. 12. “Closet Freak” — Miss Lawrence
After years as a recurring minor character, RHOA guest star Miss Lawrence recorded his first single, “Closet Freak,” in the studio with Kandi Burruss in 2011. 1. and voilà: You’ve got the recipe for pop-culture magic. The fight spawned the infamous quote “Don’t be all, like, uncool” and, some months later, this jazz-inspired song. “Waking Up in the Morning” was performed by a 10-year-old Gia in season three of RHONJ. But either way, it’s a thumbs-down. Not all Housewives songs are destined for greatness. “Money Can’t Buy You Class” — Countess Luann
It’s the song everyone associates with the Real Housewives franchise, the song that truly put money and class on the map and that still sounds just as catchy and audacious as it did 12 years ago. The general gist is that everyone is so obsessed with the former RHOA star that they simply can’t stop Googling her. So Gia’s much-memed song is more than deserving of its spot on this list. Let’s hope this effort is better! “The Time Is Now” — Gretchen Rossi
Rossi recorded this soppy love song for Slade Smiley, her beau who was famously behind on child-support payments to his ex. It’s a romantic, positive track that’s perfectly inoffensive and sounds like it would work at the beginning of an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, while Dr. Some have more of a novelty factor, while others aim much higher and want to be taken seriously. (Medley had generously hooked her up with some glittery gowns from Jovani, a fancy NYC boutique, but the Countess didn’t seem very grateful.) “Feelin’ Jovani” is a classic in the genre of “here’s a song based around some drama from the show,” which de Lesseps is a particular fan of. The lyrics are about the perils of being so hot and popular that everyone — including, perhaps wishfully, the paparazzi — can’t stop watching Gorga “do her thing” in the spotlight. 8. And ever since Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Kim Zolciak-Biermann dropped the worryingly catchy “Tardy for the Party” in 2009, the franchise has been a place where its stars can live out their unfulfilled dreams of becoming pop divas. The drama between Teresa Giudice (Gia’s mom) and Joe Gorga (her uncle) had taken center stage on the show. Throw in a hint of desperation and a guaranteed slot to launch your bop on Watch What Happens Live! The song, which she debuted on the show’s fourth season, feels as if it has ambitions to sound like Rihanna’s “Cheers (Drink to That).” But Gorga’s effort sounds like it cost about $1 to make — and sadly, that’s being kind. 28. 2. 31. “Tardy for the Party” — Kim Zolciak-Biermann
When it comes to Housewives stars releasing their own music, “Tardy for the Party” is where it all began. All I can say about the rest is thank goodness for auto-tune. 19. “Google Me” — Kim Zolciak-Biermann
This song is exactly what the title suggests: a sassy clapback to the haters with narcissism woven into every lyric. She even won a Grammy in 2000 for co-writing TLC’s “No Scrubs.” This song feels sort of inspired by Keri Hilson’s “Knock You Down” or “No Drama,” by Mary J. It’s a little bit Shakira, a little bit Jennifer Lopez, and a lot fabulous. During the RHONY season-ten finale, an absolutely furious Dorinda Medley screamed “Jovani!” at de Lesseps during her first “Countess and Friends” cabaret show. Darby, who can’t sing, is auto-tuned to the point of sounding like a robot, as if MSN Messenger’s long-suffering SmarterChild had suddenly started singing. Co-written by Jayne herself, the song oozes sex appeal and has been remixed an impressive 22 times by various DJs. The chorus is pretty catchy — well, as catchy as someone spelling out G-O-O-G-L-E-M-E to music can be. 22. It’s a classic in the genre of “songs about drama from the show,” but let’s be honest: It isn’t great. But even the Countess herself could never have known that this certified bop, which admonishes men for texting on dates amid lyrics including the words grandeur and panache, would evolve into the pop-cultural force it is today. It’s by LOCK (Ladies of Rock) — a band made up of Shannon Storms Beador’s adorable daughters, Sophie, Adeline, and Stella. It’s also very true that coffee and love do taste best when hot — we stan relatability. Against all odds, it does make me want to dance. Jayne (the self-described “million-dollar diamond”) serves a bop that’s as memeable as it is catchy, with a high-production-value video to boot. Blige, but sadly it never reaches those heights. “How Many Fucks” — Erika Jayne
By her own admission, Jayne doesn’t “give a fuck about anyone else but me!” so “How Many Fucks” definitely suits her. “Feel the Rush” — Adriana de Moura
Welcome to Miami, baby!