In a press release, Jagger says, “It’s a song that I wrote about coming out of lockdown, with some much needed optimism.” Grohl adds, “It’s the song of the summer, without a doubt!!”

Over here at Vulture, we’re not quite convinced. But alas, this song is not that. That’s a pretty maskBut never take a chanceTikTok stupid danceTook a samba class

EAZY: Give us the video evidence of Mick Jagger and Dave Grohl’s TikTok and samba dances. Shooting the vaccineBill Gates is in my bloodstreamIt’s mind controlThe earth is flat and cold

SLEAZY: No. See my poncey booksTeach myself to cookWay too much TVIt’s lobotomising me

SLEAZY: Only because we can’t call a line “eazy” that includes a word us silly Americans have never heard before. But someone tell Mick he can put away the magnifying glass and just zoom in on his computer. It’s never warming upThe Arctic’s turned to slushThe second coming’s lateAnd there’s aliens in the deep state

SLEAZY: From bad COVID numbers to deep-state conspiratizing — what a turn this song has taken! Jagger teamed up with Dave Grohl for the song, making it yet another stop on his never-ending promotional cycle as the Foo Fighters are on the Rock Hall ballot for the first time. We took it on the chinThe numbers were so grimBossed around by pricksStiffen upper lips

SLEAZY: Bossed around because of bad COVID numbers? Did Van Morrison write that line? Looking at the graphsWith a magnifying glassCancel all the toursFootball’s fake applause

EAZY: If we have to give these lines one thing, it’s that they’re mostly accurate! Now, after over a year of the pandemic, Mick Jagger is back with a song that very clearly was written during this time: “Eazy Sleazy,” abounding with references to COVID, virtual life, and some pretty worrisome conspiracies. Pacing in the yardYou’re trying to take the MickYou must think I’m really thick

SLEAZY: We’d actually call that rhyme pretty thin. Around this time last year, the Rolling Stones released the eerily prescient song “Living in a Ghost Town,” written and recorded before the pandemic but with some pretty on-the-nose observations that could very well apply to quarantine life. So we’ve broken down all of Jagger’s wild lyrics, based on whether they were eazy to listen to, or just made us feel sleazy (not in the Kesha sense, mind you). Related

The Rolling Stones Have Arrived Right on Time

Tags: I landed on my assTrying to write a tuneYou better hook me up to Zoom

SLEAZY: Moratorium on culture that directly references Zoom when? This pandemic has indeed involved graphs, canceled tours, and fake applause at sports games. We also must point out:1. It sure sounds like Jagger actually sings “The second’s coming late,” which we might be able to get behind as some sort of postmodern commentary about the passage of time during the pandemic. No no no no no! And while we’re just sticking to the particularly egregious verses here, don’t get us started on the line, “Everything’s smooth and greasy” in the chorus. How can the Arctic turn to slush if it’s not warming?2. No more travel brochuresVirtual premieresI’ve got nothing left to wear

EAZY: Again, mostly checks out — except that we’re supposed to believe Mick hasn’t been wearing sweats to virtual events like the rest of us. (Apparently, “poncey” means pretentious.)

Think I’ve put on weightI’ll have another drinkthen I’ll clean the kitchen sink

EAZY: You and us both.