This is real, breaking news from a totally entropic Hollywood, where a thousand Oompa Loompas on a thousand typewriters are remixing IP at a frightening clip. ENOUGH. Never fill out an enchanted Mad Libs given to you by a witch, or you just might end up with a [musical prequel] about the origins of a young, sexy [Willy Wonka] as played by [Timothée Chalamet], directed by the guy who made [Paddington]. Deadline reports that “the story will focus on a young Willy Wonka and his adventures prior to opening the world’s most famous chocolate factory,” which is territory already trod by Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Related

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Tags: At least we know director Paul King is good at those. (Michael Jackson Willy Wonka was sad because his dad was a dentist, remember?) It’s called Wonka, because that worked so well for Cruella and Dolittle and Mank, and it will feature numerous musical numbers. Photo-Illustration: Vulture; Photos by Steve Granitz/WireImage and Paramount Pictures

Let this be a warning to all weary souls.