I do not know why Natalie goes on an extended rant about Ukrainian dishes only being made by Ukrainians, but it’s exactly what a reptilian would think a human Ukrainian woman would do. Jovi is just … a really well-intentioned kid. For some reason, when Andrei says he buried something, I believe him, though … at least “at this point in time.”

• Jovi and Yara’s uncomfortable sex story … they’re the greatest romance of our time. He knows that if that visa is denied, he and Tiffany are done. I think Yara might go visit her family and decide she doesn’t like being a single mom most of the year. Still, stacked against the other fathers on the show, Jovi is beating out everyone except maybe Asuelu. The best part of 90 Day Fiancé is watching people who believe in love more than planning, and Ronald and Tiffany do not disappoint here. There’s just that whole thing about custody over their kid. These two aren’t teenagers, and I’m honestly shocked she’d act that immature. Daniel’s dedication to staying in America. Tags: 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After? I’m not as worried about Brandon and Julia as I am about Yara. But with Jovi gone and his mom irritating Yara, I don’t think she’ll wait around in New Orleans for him to return. There’s a real risk that her kids could lose their father, and I don’t think Kalani has really considered those consequences. Terms & Privacy Notice
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• The stock music used when they introduced Libby and Andrei was hilarious. Sure, he should be a father and an adult, but he’s more like a teenager who woke up with a wife and a baby to take care of one day. From this perspective, I absolutely want Natalie and Mike to make it work. While it has focused a lot of attention on Michael’s reaction — and it felt weird that her doctor called her husband for his approval — here, it let Angela’s disappointment take center stage. The network of My 600-lb Life mostly knows how to handle a weight-loss-journey story. Frankly, he has never liked Asuelu, and I think he feels like Kalani should be punished for going on vacation, getting pregnant, and bringing him into their lives. Kalani is surprised her dad, Low, doesn’t support the idea of divorce, but he’s a really old-school guy. It’s so beautiful! VULTURE NEWSLETTER
Keep up with all the drama of your favorite shows! I also don’t know why Mike enjoys pissing Natalie off, as though he feeds off her frustration. Michael does truly love Angela, but I think he loves the status she provides him as a large, rich white American woman. Same with Mike’s oddly close relationship with his mommy. Love Takes Hostages

Season 6

Episode 5

Editor’s Rating

5 stars

*****

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Photo: TLC

I’m happy “Love Takes Hostages” jumps right into Angela’s story. Jovi has finally revealed he has to leave for work earlier than he thought. With Angela losing one of those adjectives, I’m actually beginning to question Michael’s commitment. You can’t deny Julia’s logic, though: If she is using Brandon for a green card, she wouldn’t admit it! Ronald has said every which way he’d make Tiffany and Daniel move to South Africa if his visa were denied, and Daniel simply stated that would not be happening. It was like a fake pop song about forgetting the haters. I feel deeply for these two people who have now realized they are in way over their heads. He can’t do long distance anymore, and I think Tiffany is just hoping he isn’t allowed to come over so she can have a way out of the relationship. Email

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Terms of Service apply. Julia’s jealousy issues aren’t normal; they’re incredibly toxic. I think the producers love how tired we are of these two. Daniel really looked pressed that he had to tell his stepdad he’d embrace divorce before moving. In order to enjoy their story, I’ve decided to believe these are two reptilians who have managed to find each other on planet Earth. I do not understand her weird, robotic answers to Mike’s mom’s questions. It isn’t so weird when you realize they’re all they have from their home planet. Maybe Low is just able to see the bigger picture. But somehow they ended up on a reality show, and they have to convince the rest of us they are human. I hate seeing Angela lose her agency in a situation that should be empowering for her. Neither of them understands human rules, customs, or communication. The thing is, Ronald seems way too ready to accept that reality too. She’s clearly disappointed in the results, and her breasts do look smaller than what she agreed to prior to surgery. I think she will be happier with the results when she is further removed from the surgery, but the most frustrating part is Michael, who doesn’t try to reassure Angela at all! You know what I do not question? Then there’s Mike and Natalie. She really took the brewery menu as a personal act of aggression! But until now, her plot has mostly been about awkward encounters with her surgeon and Michael’s devastation over losing her breasts, so getting to watch Angela, a woman who has always been so sure of herself and who she is, adapt to a new lifestyle post-surgery is a bit more interesting. They’re my favorite couple, though, because Yara sees that in him and loves him anyway! • Okay, that was a lot of pigs for one house. Asuelu could eventually become the man Kalani needs — I just don’t know that she has a decade to wait around for him to grow up, not to mention Asuelu definitely can’t support himself without Kalani, so he’d probably end up back in Samoa if they divorce. He’s definitely realizing Julia is not who he thought she was, and I don’t think he is someone who would consider divorce. She escalated that situation from zero to 100 so quickly! I guess Andrei’s immigration-status story is a little more interesting than their constant arguing with her family. Brandon is in a similar situation. There’s not much narrative tension around her actual surgery — obviously, she makes it out okay, because we’ve seen her talking-head interviews filmed after the fact. What hope do these two have when they’re out on their own? At least he’s making money for his kid, unlike Ronald. But if you imagine Natalie is from another planet and has never seen a pig before, suddenly her behavior makes sense. For Kalani and Brandon, there is no easy out.