Maybe in your endo, friendo. Now get a load of these holes. At the other end, players will have to slide down the North Pole. Straightforward, right? But network TV is always innovating, so this time around they lit that shit on fire. After golfers putt their balls through the windmills, they too have to make it through without getting absolutely smacked down by a blade. We’re pretty sure this was a Cutthroat Kitchen obstacle. Golfers will treat their golf ball like a pinball while trying not to get swatted down by the flippers. Ho Ho Hole

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Because they always have to fit a zipline in there somehow, this one is “Santa’s sleigh” themed. This one’s got mud in it! Innuendo? Corn Hole

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Golfers will get clobbered by this cob as popcorn shoots out of it, propelled by air cannons, to knock them into a big bowl o’ kernels. So yes, this course is both as festive and as sultry as its name suggests. And lucky for you, we have exclusive pics of this season’s newest, shiniest, freshly buffed and waxed holes, each with a premise more ridiculous than the last. One that stands for athleticism, sportsmanship, and dignity. The Pecker

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You cheeky monkeys. You fool. Turfing USA

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Golfers will putt their balls across the big wave and avoid the sand trap. No competition series commits harder to the bit, and we respect that. Last season was called Holey Moley II: The Sequel, so naturally, its follow-up is Holey Moley 3D in 2D, a name that aptly applies to everyone watching at home except for those freaks with 3-D TVs. (It’s not any stranger than actual Biathlon: cross-country skiing while shooting a gun.)

Putt-a-Saurus

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Ah, that trusty thematic standby of mini-golf courses everywhere: dinosaur stuff. Women’s Open. Photo: Christopher Willard/ABC

America’s only true sport is back. The Parcade

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Not to be confused with “parkade,” the Canadian term for a multilevel parking structure, this one’s a real v-lap for Holey Moley: a life-size pinball machine with holes inspired by past seasons’ courses (shoutout to rubber ducky). Isn’t this what Summer Biathlon is? That’s more than everyone outside of the top three made at this year’s U.S. Donut Hole

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Like Homer Simpson’s doughnut hell but with golf. One that brings the nation together to take sweet succor from feats of peak physical performance. Giger designed it. Agony of Defeat

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Because last season’s Slip-N-Putt ice slide wasn’t enough, this season there will be a full-on ski-jump level, where golfers plummet down a hill, off a ski jump, and into a body of water. After making the putt, they have to hop on a surfboard “propelled by an underwater track” and try not to fall in the water, lest they get a penalty shot. Name aside, this one — “If they can successfully […] slide down to its foam eggs, they receive no penalty” — sounds like H.R. Perhaps the most sacred of this season’s holes. King Parthur’s Court

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“After putting, one at a time, Golfers mount a (mechanical) horse and face off against a jousting knight in order to cross the pool and reach the Green.” And based on the image provided, they have to do it in front of an audience of rabid furries. Dutch Courage En Fuego

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In our eyes, last season’s Double Dutch Courage is Holey Moley’s flagship course, a succinct twist on a familiar motif. This is a family show! Golf and surfing? Related

Holey Moley’s Surrealist Mini-Golf Is the Only Sport We Have Left

Tags: This one’s for real heads only. This is a hole that’s apparently sponsored by “Takemefishing.org” to promote fishing … presumably by showcasing how much more relaxing it would be than competing on Holey Moley. Stephen Curry, an athlete best known for his passion for mini-golf, returns to host this season, and commentators Rob Riggle and Joe Tessitore are back to explain what on golf’s green earth is going on while contestants zipline, fall into bodies of water, and evade literal fire in the name of getting balls in holes and winning a $250,000 prize. This is just good, clean, American mini-golf. Hope this isn’t a metaphor for the state of the world or anything. No. “The Golfer that goes the greatest distance gets the better ball position at turf on the other side,” duh. Holey Moley, the extreme-miniature-golf show on ABC, is returning for a third season on Thursday, June 17. Holey Matrimony

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Okay, I was hoping golfers would actually have to get married on the course, but instead they’re putting their balls down the aisle and jumping through a wedding ring into a cake. “How is this golf?” you ask? The Fishing Hole

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No, this isn’t a cursed pic from an abandoned Five Nights at Freddy’s water park.